October 20th - Big Bent National Park

Justin was not ready at the time I said. This time he said it was on purpose, but it was like always, that I had to adjust my day to my so called help. I was just fed up. He just doesn’t get the idea. I have the feeling that he thinks, he gets a wonderful vacation paid, because I enjoy so much to have him around. I think he is not aware that he was chosen as driver because he is just so absolutely unattractive, that Andreas really doesn’t need to worry about him. Ugly and boring, I thought I would be able to handle it, but he is obnoxious too. He just talks the whole time without saying anything of substance, interesting or witty. He eats like a pig. After some days I just couldn’t stomach that any longer and I told him. I would be really ashamed if somebody would tell me that. He took it in and ate the same thereafter, it is really disgusting, even if nobody taught him ever how to eat properly, he could have asked what it is what nauseated me about his eating.
However after he was not there on time in the morning I told him to put his stuff in the car and meet me at three at the headquarter of Big Bent, where the road back to Marathon starts. He put stuff in and slammed the backdoor (He always slams the car doors, that is probably, why the lock of the driver door fell out.) and I took off, considering that I had only 5 hours left to see some more features of this huge park, which requires quite a lot of driving. Justin wanted so much to come to this park. “I was never in a National Park and it will be cool.” But he is not interested in nature and doesn’t like hiking. He never tries new things. That is the fact about him which is the worst, besides his repugnant physical aspects (eating, PERMANENT nervous ticks, like fiddling around or pulling out his knuckles, he never sits still. He has ADD plus hyperactivity and is still totally slow, if I would have known, I would not have taken him. He seems to have no intention to get a grip on this as well as he seems to have no intention to do anything which would give him learning possibilities. He lacks every intellectual curiosity, which is to me the worst form of stupidity. He doesn’t watch movies, he doesn’t read (except for fantasy novels, but as he never really went to school he misses the basics and he doesn’t even try to replenish that by himself). He has no interests, at least none which would lead him to a serious commitment. I am sure that is his ADD. But he was supposed to be able to drive the car for less than 2 hours a day and do his own thing with the rest of the day. But he was hanging onto me and did not get the hints at first and when I started to get extremely annoyed and unfriendly, he still followed me like a duckling his mom. I am so happy that I got rid of him.
What really annoys me is that it cost me thousands of dollars to have been annoyed by this total idiot for three weeks and I paid him even more to get rid of him. Last week I knew already that I just couldn’t stand to have him around me and I bought a flight ticket from Orlando to SFO. I just didn’t want to let go of the cross country bike ride for which I planned nearly two years and which was supposed to be my biggest trip yet and I put so much hopes and expectations into it. All this was destroyed by this little creep and I still felt like had to give him money. I feel he has a moral debt to me which is huge and I hope his bad Karma gets him, although I think anyhow that he never will amount to anything else than a pathetic unsuccessful bore (if he ever even looks for something he wants to be successful in).
That I gave this nobody the power to my shatter dreams tells me to listen to my gut feeling, When I saw him the first time, he was really eager doing this. But he looked so repugnant that I could barely look at him. It took month to get used to that, but I thought I should not be so shallow. - Next time I know that I get never at least subconsciously over this, unless they have a strong and interesting personality, which comes in rare cases with vapid expression.
I don’t know what Colleen sees in him. He really things she loves him so much more than he loves her. That I really doubt: a cute vivid intelligent and social girl like her, will not stay for long with a socially inept loser than Justin. The attraction of somebody needy who saps on your motherly feelings usually doesn’t last long.

Now I vented enough - much too much energy spent on that. Lets eat the loss and get over it!
When he didn’t show up at he ranger station, I was considering to just take off, would have been neat, but I don’t do that - let a helpless kid alone. I picked him after waiting there for 30 minutes about 10 miles (midway between motel and rendezvous spot) up and told him that he should take a bus from Del Rio to Orlando. I gave him time to 9 h in the morning to research all this and that would be it. My mood would have been really lightened, if he wouldn’t have sat next to me fidgeting and making knuckle noises. Yuk, just writing this I feel vomit coming up.